Wake up, sheeple! Ever wonder why supermarkets are pushing those delicious, golden-brown rotisserie chickens on you? It’s not just about convenience—it’s a multi-billion-dollar conspiracy masterminded by Big Chicken to control your poultry consumption. Let me break it down.
You think you’re getting a great deal when you pick up that ready-to-eat rotisserie chicken, right? Wrong! Big Chicken doesn’t want you to know that you could assemble your own rotisserie chicken from perfectly good chicken parts—and it’d be way cheaper. Why? Because they want to keep you dependent on their perfectly pre-cooked birds.
What they don’t tell you is that buying chicken parts—wings, thighs, drumsticks, or breasts—separately, then seasoning and cooking them at home, not only tastes better but also breaks you free from their poultry prison.
MSG-Enhanced Mind Control: Notice how you can’t resist the smell of the rotisserie section at the store? It’s no accident! Big Chicken has perfected the art of pumping out irresistible scents designed to lure you into the chicken trap. Their secret blend of MSG and hypnotic aromas keeps you coming back for more, never questioning the cost.
The Shrinkflation Plot: Ever realize those rotisserie chickens are getting smaller? That's right, while the price stays the same, Big Chicken is quietly shrinking your birds. They want you to believe you’re getting a whole chicken, but you’re really getting the chicken equivalent of a compact car—small, overpriced, and underwhelming.
Take the power into your own hands. Buy your chicken parts separately, mix and match your favorite pieces, and roast them yourself. Big Chicken doesn’t want you to know that you’re only a few steps away from total poultry independence.
Don’t let Big Chicken pull the feathers over your eyes any longer. Stay woke, stay crispy, and stay in control of your chicken destiny.